Anything is possible

As I headed back home from work, I remember feeling quite tired that day. I moved into a seat, surprised I got one, as I peeked over to see the woman next to me. She was reading a newspaper article that was titled “Anything Is Possible”. I wanted to do something more to give back to the community. I remember wanting to do more and to be more. And I remember that statement pulling at my heart strings at that moment and for many moments to come.

I was young but working long hours in Advertising for many years. I wasn’t living in NYC most of that time. And I wasn’t able to fully take advantage of all the city had to offer. I was commuting back home to the suburbs surrounded by young families. I was single and away from other young singles. I wanted to feel more connected not worrying about the connection times to and from Jamaica. I didn’t stop working until I had my sweet baby boy John in 2011. I finally stopped working to be more fully present in my life and in my sons. During that time, my husband was actively trying to reinvent himself. I was happy to step aside and take care of my son to support my husbands dreams. We always discussed mine as well and I knew that once he was established we would shift again. He was side-stepping one economic financial crisis after another until he got diagnosed with cancer in 2018. Some will say cancer is a wake up call. A call for you to reinvent yourself. And perhaps for some, who came through the other side, that is very true. For us, it was a constant shift to try and try to heal again only to realize, God was transitioning him to a higher purpose.

I recently saw a Ted Talk from Meg Jay entitled “Why 30 is not the new 20. Meg Jay is a psychologist talks about that “Aha!” moment. She discusses the facts to support the statement how “80% of life’s most defining moments take place by 35”. I missed my “Aha” moment back then. I have been dreaming of recapturing it ever since. When I saw that newspaper title on the train that day, something stirred in me. I felt as if I was meant to see it. And then I let it go. But not really, because I remembered it immediately when my daughter drew something so significant, which I found on her bedroom floor one very stormy night.

Not to intentionally add ‘Snoopy-like’ effect, “it was a very dark and stormy night”. In fact it was one of the worst storms of the summer of 2021. I sat down to write after she sleepily jolted me directly back to that very “Aha” moment without even realizing. I was struggling with the overwhelming feeling of being a widow. I was drowning in my grief behind my smile. I wasn’t fully recovered from being a caregiver for four years after the death of my mother. And I was immediately thrown into caring for my husband.

When I first looked at her picture, it stopped me immediately. It was so interesting. It looked like a house with a propeller pulling it up to the sky with a person atop of it. I immediately thought it was special. And I also thought that it was a mom fail because I am so hard on myself during my grief. At first I thought she drew it because I said something wrong in aggravation from losing our home. I put the thought out of my mind and smiled. I redeemed my negative self talk and thought how beautiful that she could illustrate her emotions just like her daddy. My husband had many talents one of them was illustration. My daughter definitely picked up on that talent. Initially I thought perhaps it was her atop trying to propeller us and our home above all of my endless sadness, worry and self doubt. So I asked her before I left the room what the picture meant. She told me it was me, riding a dragon. That she felt I should have a dragon. I wanted to stop and squeeze her and thank her. I didn’t want to ask her anymore about why I should have a dragon. Did she mean a husband? An extended supportive family, or just simply a dragon. I wanted to ask her what the dragon meant to her but I didn’t want to be disappointed by the answer. I also over thought everything and I am not her bereavement specialist. I put her to sleep, which doesn’t come easy ever. She is too alert, too smart, too thoughtful and too strong. She is perfect. She is my everything. My son is my everything.

I then came into my office and picked up the book that I got for her at the local bookstore. My father loved reading and instilled the love of reading upon me. He read everything from non fiction to fantasy novels. And he knew everything about everything and still does to this day. I loved that he read so much that I started reading everything too. My love of books and writing is apart of everything good about me. Since my husband died, it was all I could think about doing. One night prior to the start of the new school year, I took my children to the book store. The library wouldn’t be able to get the series John needed for his book report. I called the store and they had the books he needed for the start of the school year. On that trip to the bookstore, I saw a book for sale that said Anything Is Possible by Guilia Bellloni and Marco Tervisan. I picked it up because it immediately took me back to that “Aha” moment on the train. I thought it would be a nice positive message to share with my children one day. And I was hoping from the title that it would be a good read. But since it was on sale, and I was in a rushing to beat the storm, I grabbed it and checked out.

After I put my daughter to sleep, I came into my office and sat to see what the book was about. I didn’t read it to her. I didn’t even take it out of the bag. She didn’t select it and no one knew the content neither my son or daughter. As I wrote this, I saw my sons picture of a tornado from when he was in nursery that is on my bulletin board in my office.

As I read, I found that the book is about a sheep and a wolf. One day the sheep sees birds flying and exclaims, “how lucky they are!” to be able to see life from above, from all levels and from many perspectives. She asks her friend the wolf to create a flying machine with her, the wolf not as positive, reluctantly helps. They fail at first and then realize with some tweaks after so much doubt and failure they in fact have made a machine capable of flying. The sheep says “see those who dream learn to fly, Anything is Possible”. The machine was constructed out of material and it was designed as a dragon.

My daughter is my very connected to the universe, dragon. She reminded me that Anything is Possible. And that I’m a writer.